is this my note?

i can’t believe it

i can’t believe it

is in a repetitive loop in this computer of mine

negativity caught me like a evil sprite

like a ugly disease

i tried to run away but it came back to find me

i couldn’t hide

my eyes were open wide

no defence in sight

i was vulnerable and a ticking time bomb dropped right as the clock struck midnight

errorerror

my system overload

my sensory is traumatized

my motherboard destroyed

i’m in shut down mode

i was in euphoria but it felt hot like hell

this night was supposed to be full of happiness and love but the shadow of death creeped up behind me and he wouldn’t let me go

born with a cord around my neck is this here my faith i just have met

bathroom stall light beating down red

if you do this drug you’ll be dead

water dripping down my cheeks blood leaking out of mouth

and i don’t know how to get back to health

back to reality

back to myself

trying to force restart but nothing works

lost and found

signs all around

the end is looming

i hear the sounds

despair is the state

can’t go back now

i’m to far away from the golden gates

god please this can't be my fate

my mind is flipping in eights

anxiety is now my new best friend

and it feels like the end

i know the downloading is in the works

and realized i’ll never be happy again

and it hurts

i want to be happy so badly

but it’s not in the cards for me

i have to accept that

i'll be okay

January 1 2020