the first time

the feeling of your heart beating out of your chest..

beating so intensely that you can count every beat like it was a math test

panic started to creep in and the fear started to cloud my mind

jolts of sharp pain attacked my whole body like a knife cutting through meat

i became dizzy and blurry-eyed as i got up

i was terrified

i knew something was wrong

i wasn’t myself anymore

something was taking over me

that i never experienced

and that i didn't like

all i felt was

black

       fear

death

murderers on my screen

war in the middle east

famine in the motherland

forests burning

traumatizing protests

police brutality

a global pandemic

worldwide lockdowns

corrupted politics

is all i see

everyday

like a virus

in my system

and i’m shutting down

June 4 2020