empty

i feel empty inside

inside my heart

my soul

my spirit

empty like a abandoned warehouse that haven’t been explored in years

empty like a prism that never be broken into

but can be view from the outside

nobody ever looking in

i don’t know how it feels to be loved

how it feels to be loved unconditionally

whole heartedly

completely and truly

loved

maybe that’s why i’m so cold

cold like the frigid air in the middle of winter

cold like the touch of ice against my skin

i’m just cold

i never opened up to anyone before

i feel like no one will ever except me

for me

or understand why i am who i am

why i act the way i do

it’s scary to be vulnerable with someone

the fact that they have power over you and can use it against you

is scary

and i never want someone to have that hold over me

to be able to control my emotions to easily

but if i wanna be truly loved i need to let that person in

but i don’t think that will ever be possible for me and it sucks

it sucks to always bottling everything up

it sucks to always be on the verge of crying with every breath you take

every move you make

is never enough to make you feel okay

to feel okay inside and sucks

blue is that overwhelming feeling

that all consuming feeling

life altering feeling

that psychologically exists in my mind

no one is there for me

or even cares about me

or would understand how i’m feeling

it just sucks

maybe it was just not meant to be

it just wasn’t in the cards for me

maybe i’m one of those people that will never have that thing we all chase and look for in life

that thing to make me feel whole and complete

that one thing

just that one thing

that thing

i never felt and never will

i guess i’ll always be empty

empty in my soul

my sprint

my heart

empty

November 11 2018