backfires: the story of us

i finally let someone in

he was everything i wanted

the connection was insane

he came on strong

it was scary

the drugs we toke in the park made my heart beat faster as we talked about ourselves and our world around us

and kissed when we felt it rushing in our system

i remember you asking me if it was the drugs or if i wanted to kiss you

i wanted to

i believe him when he said he liked me

he knew what words to use to bring me to another level

to euphoria land

we would fight like we knew each other forever

when it hasn't even been a week

you made me confused

i didn’t know what i felt

maybe i liked you

maybe i hated you

what's going on

is what was racing through my mind

you made me smile like a little girl

with the poetic words that slip from your perfect lips

that night

you kept telling me that you wanted to see me

i was under the influence i just couldn't say no cause i wanted to see you too

i wanted you

i came over

like you told me to do

you showing me baby photos from an old scrapbook and played me guitar

like the handsome asshole you are

we ended up in your sheets

with our bodies intertwined

sweat and passion made me feel alive

we laid together naked

eye to eye

chest to chest

skin to skin

i can feel your heart beating

beating at the same pace as mine

my mind reminded me that i was getting a little to close for comfort

i got up and put my clothes back on

i walked around your room looking at all the cool shit that was in it

and questioned you about different little knickknacks laying around as the light slightly started to peak trough the window into the room from the rising of the sun

i picked up my polaroid camera and began taking pictures of you shirtless in bed with your guitar in hand

it felt like a perfect moment from a movie

like nothing was real

and this was all the sweet dream

we talked for hours and you walked me to where i was going

i felt happy

i finally felt happy for once

and after that early morning bus ride home

everything went completely downhill

like a beautiful nightmare

we started to get into fights and things got awkward

my friends were telling me i deserve better then you

and at that point i seen the ugly side of you and i agreed

i didn't want to see you anymore

i'm pretty sure you used me to get over your ex

but who cares you were still better then the rest

we called each other the worst things we can fathom in our twisted minds

we both were hurt in one way or another

i swore to myself that i would never talked to you again

but here i am still thinking of you

months went by and i still want you

my mind is telling me no

but my stupid heart is telling me yes

and it sucks

February 14 2017